Hey all, (or myself)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Happy 2014! :) let's make this year an awesome and fun filled and meaningful year. I pray to do less stalking on twitter, Facebook and even instagram. They don't affect me in any way or Another by not reading. It's nothing but poking your nose into people's affair. I shall post my 2013 year end holidays if I can soon.

So, decided to blog cos I'm waiting for my hair to dry and I needed to just share some of my thoughts and feelings.

O LEVEL RESULTS COLLECTION.
Yup it came, after the long wait. 13Th Jan 2014. Cut the story short, I got 15 for L1R5 and 12 for ELR2B2. HM, personal thoughts, Last expected grade though. Targeted a 11 and hoping to hit 14 maximum. Hais but what's done can't be undone so I'll just have to accept it in silence. Disappointed with my performance. I bet I disappointed my teacher as well. ): family seem ok about it but probably they would be happier with better results. I mean, who won't?! I went for nyjc openhouse yesterday together with tpjc. Ny was like so nice and huge and happening and perfect but sadly I felt so out of place cos I definitely didn't make the mark. Just thought I could visit and see how great that school is. Was feeling so sucky and dumb for not being able to enter it. And ofc my standard for jc was pitched too high cos I went ny before tp. Had this kinda weird feeling when I was on tp. Was telling myself maybe psychology would be a better option. Happening day out with rebekah and her friends, yu chen and jason. Korean bbq lunch and library as they studied. What a great thing to have such friends. #Fagirl

SO, WHAT'S NEXT?
I feel really fortunate to have so many people around me wanting to advice me. I feel kinda pathetic not having a choiced decision. All I know is 'idk'. Dk what i wanna do in poly, dk if I can manage well in jc. Honestly I don't mind taking a levels but I worry of the stress level and also question my capability. Mama Papa keeps advising me to do something Which is not that taxing on me. Also no idea what combination I want to take in jc. Hais, loads of hw to be done. Visiting more jc later on. Sometimes I really feel so useless cos I can't make up a decision myself for MY own future. ): and I can't justify and convince myself why I want to go jc. The exact reason. ): seems like my life up till now has been puppeted by people and not myself so i somewhat lost my faith in myself and also have no slight clue on what i truly want to do.

Grocery shopping at ntuc just now gave me time to reflect on my shitty ass results. It's damn stupid, I feel so lousy. Always being stucked in the middle, mediocre schools and not improving. D: while there are people who are constantly improving themselves. my faith to do well was so small That's why it didn't came true. all of thoughts of wanting to be the top scorer was just plainly mentioned but not placed into realistic actions. ): hoping to change pretty much this year. I need to start to think more and also be more determined. I Must study real hard for tertiary education despite anywhere I go. Care less about what people might think. Learn more, make full use of my time.

God bless
Rachel Tay